This poem is doing well so far. It just needs a few small things to fix, just a tad bit. The first line uses 'she when' doesn't make much sense. Take out these two words. They are unnecessary and disrupt the flow of the poem because they don't make sense really. Use a bit more imagery. Just a little bit. Maybe add one line with imagery. I wouldn't change much with the poem. I think you did a great job on it. It is short, blunt, yet powerful. Love it. I don't come across many poems on this site that have sor of mastered such a skill. Keep praticing at it.
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This poem is doing well so far. It just needs a few small things to fix, just a tad bit. The first line uses 'she when' doesn't make much sense. Take out these two words. They are unnecessary and disrupt the flow of the poem because they don't make sense really. Use a bit more imagery. Just a little bit. Maybe add one line with imagery. I wouldn't change much with the poem. I think you did a great job on it. It is short, blunt, yet powerful. Love it. I don't come across many poems on this site that have sor of mastered such a skill. Keep praticing at it.