She Comments

quite felt and poignant too, as we lose our own people,10++, thanks for sharing

nice sad lyric poem...touching...10+++

dear stacy... great that what your pen penned..10++ ``Happiness is a very secure path. When we have no problems, we’re happy. But even when we have problems, We can still choose to be happy.`` hazem al..

The poem has a natural flow. As some others have pointed out, the poem is lengthy and it may be a tiresome job for others to go through the entire text. Make it short and precise. Remember, the time of the readers is precious. To me, the poem is descriptive and such a lengthy description can be brought to a capsule form as you may gain experience. Naturally, the writings during our formative years tend to be descriptive with facts and figures (it may be important for the writer but not for the readers) but as we gain momentum, we would learn to capture only the essence - the qualities of the person rather than the quantities. Good reading habit would tell you in due course how to bring out the contents in a short, precise, forceful, beautiful and compact manner. Improvisation of language means showing the reader an entire universe in a word or two! Poetry is one of the best media for such expressions. I often come across much prose within the framework of verses and I cannot vote for that style. Poetry has a marking difference from prose which one has to identify himself. In poetry the usage such as '12' has to be avoided. Computer language, if any, has also to be avoided. For me the full gramatic British English suits well. For this, I owe my debts to my teachers. Grammar has its own importance. Chatting in English is different from structural English. You may go through my poetry and find out for yourself. There too I have poems describing persons. For example, 'A note from our heart'. We can see persons and situations in a symbolic way and these poems become impressive poems if the symbolism is apt. Please don't have regrets that you were only a child to miss the real warmth and understanding of this lady. Nay, you have rightly captured the essence of that lady even as a child. That insight is what is actually needed. Insight is a very good quality of quality poets. You have this quality and I can already see that you can easily shape into a quality poetess. May god bless you.

A very emotional piece about one special you have known to be a nurse with a warm heart, who is now very ill. May God's Grace be upon her. And may your pen reach its highest peak by God's Grace.

Hi Stacey, I liked the flow & the theme. If you want your poems to be read by the majority then you should keep them really short because lenghty poems can be read only at the expense of extra time and patience. As time progressess the reader's interest starts fading or something interrupts breaking the flow. Never give the reader a chance to lose interest or be interrupted. On the other hand if you want to just convey your feelings without expecting anything from the readers then go ahead as your heart directs without any compromise. I found this poem from the message you sent me. best wishes for the poet in you.

Emotions and feelings of sadness flow very well in this lengthy poem. Keep on writing, Stacey, just try to be brief and compact. Best Wishes Naseer

yeah a touching write.......though it seems a bit too long and the readers starts to lose interest.......seem to me more like a prose than poetry.......u could do better......make the poem more rhythmic and don't let the readers interest slip away......... best wishes.......

shouuld say ts a good effort stacey, keep writing

I WAS RAISED IN THE HOUSE WITH MY GRANDMOTHER. I ACTUALLY SLEPT INT HE SAME BED WITH HER JUST ABOUT EVERY NIGHT UNTILL I WAS 18. SHE IS NOW SICKLY. I PRAY FOR HER. I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL REACT THE DAY SHE PASSES. I LOVE HER SO MUCH ANDI LNOW THAT IM HER FAVORITE GRANDDAUGHTER. I LOVE YOU GRANNY!

this poem is realy emotonal and grippping, you get your point across, and it brings a lump to my throut - well done - i would recoment that u shorten your poems in futer, because that can make more of an inpacts- but not in this case, and i wouldnt/ couldnt recoment edit this peise of litritue 10+