Sunday, December 27, 2009
Separation Comments
Rating: ★0.0
Among fallen hopes and broken dreams
Where happiness falls like concrete beams
Distances widen, lives collide
Sadness often doesn’t get a place to hide
...
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7/29/2025 3:43:20 PM # 1.0.0
some dreams will meet, others will separate n this basis will weird earth operate.. beautiful poem Rony.. i liked the stanzas.. you write with a very clear vision.. and the poem shows it all.. but i felt that the last line of the first stanza was out of rhythm.. you check it, the first stanza has 9 syllables,2nd has 9 3rd has 8 but 4th has 11.. yu shuld rather follow a rhythm scheme evenly so it huld have been 9 9 8 9 check out the other stanzas to.. because a perfect rhyme and rhythm makes your poem more audible and the recitation sounds musical.. hope you forgive me for this brother.. regards prashant