Senryu 1 - Ashen Hair Submerges Comments

I know next to nothing about metrical poems myself, so I can't help you out in that regard. What I will say, is that in 17 syllables you've achieved something of beauty. That, in and of itself, is commendable. Well done sir

Fantastic senryu to begin with.....Any format is limitation to our creative thinking yet at times it does help us in certain manner.

First attempt, so beautiful and amazing! I am waiting for many more in future. Come on.

I need to express my gratitude toward Wes Voglar who suggested me to correct the title from 'Senryu 1' to 'Senryu 1 - Ashen Hair Submerges'... And now, I wait for Kelly's comment... Com'on Kelly, telly me what you think of this effort! ! !

A precise description of old age that is a period of nostalgia. An old person is thinking of the past even in the midst of children's noise. To use autumn as a metaphor for old age is spot on. As for senryu, frankly I know nothing about that. I can only comment on the feel n essence of the poem. well done Mondal.