Saturday, May 24, 2008

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Bill Thomas 16 July 2008

Not so sure about this one: the inversion of 'must I stay' is too obvious a rhyme for 'grey', though I love the unexpected rhyme of 'shadows' with 'gallows', which works well. If it's grey, we expect a few more lines of tortured struggle: if it's totally dark, however, then the shorter poem would reflect the absence of choice. Tricky! Take it as a compliment that I'm being critical of this poem: the others of yours show such promise that (I hope) you can roll with it & re-craft it.

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