Seeing My Life Poem by Mwenyeji Spikes

Tipping point was the only point
Life on the edge of despair & disillusionment.
The weight heavy on my shoulder,
And even heavier it weighed on my heart
Pulling me deeper from the surface

Desperately I yearned for an escape,
I felt time and love slip from my hands
From afar I looked helplessly, seeing my life.
I took caution in love
And let all those repressed feelings fly away.
Nothing to hold on to but promise devoid of passion.
I looked on yet from yonder seeing my life with the eyes of another.
I anchored my hopes onto your promise yet my faith was wavering

The view unpleasant, the feel distasteful
I felt the need to get a hold of things
Steer me far away from all the trouble s in my life.
Reconcile the good and the bad
But yet even my deepest convictions were shaken.
Knew not what freedom could be nor what I could feel to love myself even more.
Did wrong to self and others heard mama yell boy you need to see your life!
Straighten up the crooked and toe life's good line
I yearned for certainty in tomorrow but even when I looked yonder no
streak of yellow line for my reprieve.

Laid down on my bed at night, put out the lantern just to count ways
of how I'd hoped my life would turn out
Only it wasn't to be
Wishing I could see my life from my mothers humbles eyes
To see the son she'd hoped I'd be
But that path wasn't for me
A million things in life I could be, yet only one I see, an astrologer
with a palm to hold
And visions to see.
Seeing my life in my own eyes.
Everything I would hope to be.