Sealed Unto Tears Comments

This is a very emotional poem, Hasan. It is obvious that you feel that you cannot move on from this particular point, as the title of the poem suggests. I find the refrain ‘I had not lived/I have not died’ particularly interesting. The way you have fashioned the sentence to mean that you haven’t lived a day in your life without this enigmatic person coupled with your admittance that you are only left with ‘gracious despair’ to hold your hand is quite a powerful sentiment. The speaker exists in the monotonous, lonely and unidentifiable space between life and death beyond the reach of help or basic human contact. The poem could be improved with a greater attention to syntax and punctuation. Although it may be more important for you to express yourself on paper without thinking about grammar, your emotions will become clearer and more poignant if attentions are paid to grammatical and syntactical rules and conventions. For example there isn’t a single full stop in the poem. I think it would benefit the message and the reader’s lungs if a full stop or two is included! The poem could also be improved by a slightly unconventional use of punctuation at times. I think ellipsis in the first verse would work particularly well: ‘ Bitter, bitter thoughts… the stagnated overflow of memories. My love, my hatred Clutching my mind… Endlessly afraid, Afraid of what I am… Afraid of what I made’. This is only a suggestion! I think this establishes quite a strong authorial presence in your work, almost as if you are reciting the poem over your reader’s shoulders. I hope I have been helpful and not patronizing!