Scots Poems From Neeps An Sheeps Poem by Sheena Blackhall

Ghaists o Schoolhill
See Archie Simpson rollin oot his plans
(The Triple Kirk aince held 3 congregations
Wi bricks frae Mutton Brae, the Weaver's Shed
Aa bigged wi skill by brick an granite masons)

See Geordie Jamesone nummer 22
The Scottish Van Dyke trained abroad by Rubens
James Dun, a rector, nummer 61
Young Byron at the Grammar learnin lessons

See doon an oots outside a ludgin hoose
See loadit cairts attatched tae Wirdie's cuddies
Remembrancesodjers staunin at the Lion
See Robert Gordon's college thrang wi ladies

The monastery an kirk o the Black Friars
Auld Gordon's Hospital, Art Gallery
Dae monks an artists wauk in single file
Wi halflins frae the Cotton factory?

The Cowdray Haa- the boozers in the pub
Far aince fowk prayed, they meet up eftir wirk
The 30 skeletons frae the lost Friary
Burkers an Noddies in the Mither Kirk

Could this street spikk, fit stories wid it tell?
The ghaists that flit frae grave through solid waa
They dinna tribble us, their neebors noo
The Triple kirk's heich spire it watches aa


Granfaithers
Ma singin gransire wis a fertile cheil
Thoosans o seeds swam in his pyoke o sperm
Thirteen hatched inno bairns bi his wadded wife
An mebbe mair, an if sae, fit's the herm?

Ma precentor gransire faithered three
Ae loon, twaquinestae cairry on his line
His granbairns wis ae loon, twa quines (ane me)
Ma singin gransires' granbairns? Fiftynine!


Twa Poems created from lists in the Pillow Book by Sei Shōnagon (c.966-1017)

Scunnerin Ferlies
A veesitor fa arrives fin yer thrang wi ither maitters
A veesitor fa hauds ye up spikkin ower lang
A bairn fa greets fin yer tryin tae lippen tae news
A boorich o skreichin craws
A tyke that bowfs fin a secret jo creeps in
Ye makk on yer asleep tae ignore a caller
Bit a fier shakks ye tae waukken ye


Hairt Steerin Ferlies
A spurgie wi gorblies.
Wee bairnies playin
Lichtin some fine incense
Teetin inno amistit Chinese keekin glaisse
Pitten on make up, braw claes, perfume
Somethin rattles in the win, making on a rainy nicht
Blaik kittlins wi a fite wyme
Puin oot yer eebroos
Watchin cuddies racin
Fin a parent feels nae weel, an plague's on the go
Fin a body ye hate veesits


Owersetts ofower Poems bi Patrick Kavanagh

Cyard's Woman
I saw her amang the midden's smush
Raikin fur trock
Like an auld pair o sheen, or galluses
She wis a young quine
A cyard's woman
Her physog wis strakit wi tribbles
Like weers ben it
Bit she wis swack
As a young goat
On a winny knowe
She raiked ben the midden's smush
Hyterin cannily
Ower tinnies
An sherp-brukken
Denner ashets


Yule
Yule, somebody telt me, is near on us
An luikin oot ma windae I saw that Winter hid laundit
Alang wi the grey shawl an the nyaakit tree sonnet
A scroll o bark hingin doon tae the knees as he scanned it
The graivel in the yaird wis thochtfu, roosed tae be crunched
As fowk wi tribbles in their physogs drave in wi cars
Bit masel, wi sic solemnity aroon me, refused tae be hunkered in
In fack wis like tae gie the hee-haw tae bars
Aye there wir ferlies in thon winter comin that gart me
Feel younger, less o a failure, it wis raelly earlier
Than mony fowk thocht- there wis the chaunce
Fur luv, fur Sooth African adventure, fur faitherin a bairn
Fur takkin masel in haun, catchin on wioot a fleg or
Takkin pairt in a warld war, jynin up at the stert o hostilities


Cam Daunce wi Kitty Stoblin
Na, na, na, I kent I wisnae byordnar as I meeved
Ben the colourful kintra, I wis bit a single
Bittie o the pictur, the namer, nae the dearie.
O scunnerin cheilfa nae gods takk tent o
Brawness, fa his pictured bonnieness? Langsyne
I'd a myth that wis bit a lee bit it served:
Trees waukin ower the taps o knowes an ma rhyme
Caperin on mile-heich stilts an the unnerved
Boorichs luikin up wi terror in their regional physogs
O daunce wi Kitty Stoblin I outrageously
Cried oot-o-sense tae them, while their frichtit paces
Hytered ahin Jove's page loon pagin me
I'd an unca pleisunt trip, thank ye kindly
Fur giein me ma gyteness back, or nearly


Myndin on ma Mither
I dinna think o ye lyin in the weet yird
O a Monaghan kirkyaird; I see
Ye waukin doon a lane amang the poplars
On yer wey tae the station, or blithely
Gaun tae secunt mass on a simmer Sabbath
Ye meet me an say
‘Dinna forget tae see aboot the kye'-
Amang yer yirdiest wirds the angel dauchles
An I think o ye waukin alang a heidlan
O green aets in June
Sae fu o peace, sae fu o life
An I see us trystin at the eyn o a toon
On a fair day bi mistak, eftir
The bargains are aa brocht an we can wauk
Thegither, ben the shops, an stalls an marts
Free in the oriental streets o thocht
O ye arena lyin in the weet yird
Fur it's a hairst gloamin noo an we
Are biggin up the rucks agin the meenlicht
An ye smile up at us- aybydan-like



Giant Angus
Giant Angus MacAskill
Wis born in Berneray
7 fit 9 inches tall in heicht
The winner o his day

He liftit anchors up wi ease
He trod trees inno smush
An fin he peed the trooties thocht
There wis a hurlygush


Pinkerton
Pinkerton wis Gorbals born
At sleuthin he wis skeely
He sniffed oot gangs an locked them up
A true-bred Glesga keelie


The Braidhill Mynds on its Veesitors
I mynd the day in echteen thirty twa
Upon ma summit Union flags did blaw
The Great Reform Act tae shaw support
Banners an streamers flew frae masts in port
Musicians gaithered thrang in neuk an wynd
Syne bands struck up an merchers wauked in line
Fowk poored intae the toon bi shelt an cairt
Far thieves an pickpockets made nesty sport

Blacksmiths, an flax dressers, some threid lappers
Sawyers, wyvers, founders, paper makkers
Engineers an bleachers, cairriers, tanners
Shipvrichts, tobaccay spinners an towe twiners
A hunner cairters rode tae the drum beat
As forty thoosan marched ben Union Street
Tae tune o ‘Scots Wha Hae wi Wallace bled'
The skirlin pipes some mair excitement spread
Aa heidin tae ma braes tae hear men spikk
On Justice, wi the fury o Auld Nick

Ower the centuries ma girssy banks
Let hoors wi pick ups bare their plooky flanks
Stravaigers wauked their dugs tae takk the air
Watched whalin ships sail by wi catches rare

Here, littlins rowed their Pace eggs lauchin lood
An scurriessnatched their breid tae feed their brood
Bit best ava, the circus cam tae toon
Their breets'menagerie parked at ma foun
Puggie an selkie, elephant an shelt
The reid nebbed clowns, the bear wi shaggy pelt

There wir nae skyscrapers tae block ma sicht
I've seen it aa, plague, squibs on Bonfire Nicht
The ballroom far the toonsfowk waltzed an jived
The Carnies far the show fowkfaimlies thrived

I've watched fin witches birssled in daith's thraas
An convicts swung frae gibbets like deid craaas
I am the Braidhill, heich, impartial
Could ma steens spikk, fit stories they wid tell!


Braas
Ultomo bras bi Michelle Mone
Gie Scottishbreists a heeze
Especially auld an wrinkled anes
That hing doon tae fowk's knees


Midgies
Midgies I hate ye
Ye wee fleein scunners
Ye chase me an sook me
Nae singly, bit hunners
I've tried weirin creams
I've worn Burkha-like nets
I've tried scooshin pyson
I've tried watter jets
I wish ye'd flee doon
Tae the Deil's fiery regions
Tae birssle an sizzle
Ye dampt hellish legions


Freshwatter Pearl Mussels
Freshwatter pearl mussels are boskers
Cleanin watter tae keep orrals oot
Sae helpin the health o the planet
An the growth o baith salmon an troot


Wattie Scott
Fin Wattie Scott the novelist deed
His wake wis lood wi wails
He screived awa frae morn tae night
An muckle wir his sales


IRN BRU, IRN BRU
IRN BRU, IRN BRU
Beats Eton Mess an Irish stew
It's ginger heaven in yer mou
IRN BRU, drink some richt noo!


James Miranda Berry
James Miranda Berry
A byordnar dandy an flirt
On daith wis revealed tae be female
Weirin troosers insteid o a skirt


The Hairt o Midlothian
The Hairt o Midlothian's ootbye St Giles
Fin ye staun on it hocher an spit
(Jist forluck, it is said
As here chauncers were led
Tae be hung on this verra same bit)


The Scottish Alphabet
A fur aiblich
B fur bosker
C fur contermascious
D fur dowie
E fur eilritch
F fur unca fascious

G fur gorblie
H fur hotterel
I fur clear insicht
J fur jinkin
K fur kittlin
L fur leerielicht

M fur mowdie
N fur nochtie
O fur oo an ootlinn
P fur plowter
Q fur quinie
R fur rugg, fur rivin

S fur sottar
T fur trauchle
U fur ugsome, uptakk
V fur vauntie
W fur winnock
X in aixe an raxx

Y fur yalla,Z fur zebra
Drawn frae Scots wird sacks!


Birlinn
Langsyne Heilan fowk used a birlinn
(A boat like the Norse ained fur hurlin
Them ower the faem) . Noo,a publisher's name
That's set umpteen new buik screivers earnin


Ecclefechan Tarts
Ecclefechan tarts are funcy
Ecclefechan tarts are braw
Pastry melled wi fruit an nuts
They are Paradise tae chaw


The Encyclopaedia Britannica
The Encyclopaedia Britannica
Wis published in Embro Toun
Gin ye fancy a bittie licht readin
Aince liftit ye'll nae pit it doon