Santa Confronts Climate Change Poem by Richard Burke

It was Christmas twenty-fifty and Santa sighed in deep dismay,
The climate had changed twice since his first Noel Day.
He'd survived rising temperatures throughout "Medieval Times, "
And the cold of the "Little Ice Age" of 15th Century climes.

But the past one hundred years were like nothing he had seen,
Rising seas were invading many places he had been.
His North Pole cottage had fallen through melting ice,
And he'd had to relocate his workshop not just once, but twice.

The Reindeer now feared sun stroke and demanded hazard pay,
And air-conditioned barns to cool them through summer's day,
While the elves were complaining of sweat-shop conditions,
And choking on a myriad of greenhouse gas emissions.

Snow had vanished from rooftops, streets and fields,
Forcing Santa to replace his sleigh-runners with wheels.
Worse yet it was only a matter of time,
Before pontoons would be needed in wetter coastal climes.

His heavy red costume was now pitifully obsolete,
As were the fur-lined boots he'd worn upon his feet.
All impractical to wear in Christmas' stultifying heat,
Hot chocolate was no longer part of Santa's midnight treat!

Poor Rudolph fell deeply into depression's throes,
When heat induced congestion blurred the red glow from his nose,
And kids no longer had NORAD to track down Santa's sleigh,
DOGE had fired its workers to save money, so they say.

And look no longer for gifts piled ‘neath a piney tree,
The more fires and droughts we have, the fewer pines there'll be.
But, Merry Christmas, just the same, to all you kindly folks,
And remember Santa's warning: "Climate Change is not a hoax! "