Running Away From The Only Thing I'Ve Ever Known Poem by LeeAnn Howard

Hello God, are You there?
Can You hear me say your name?
Maybe You don't even care
And we both know I'm to blame.
Still, You're said to be fair,
I've got nothing more to claim.

Once I used to be innocent,
Just a happy child playing,
Believing in angels on Earth sent
Each night to them I was praying.
That they'd leave me I never meant -
I trusted plain words I was saying.

God, I could feel You right beside
When I first time hit the ground.
Took me no long to decide -
Didn't want to have You 'round.
I kept crying deep inside
But I never made a sound.

Onward I fought many wars
Won some, lost more, dug in deep,
Tried to live life out of doors
And get some rest without sleep,
Been down on too many floors
But none failure made me weap.

I was running far away,
Avoiding each turn and break,
Couldn't tell the night from day
Nor if this was true or fake.
I'd run long before I'd lay
Just to chase away the ache.

Wheels, road and the dusty layer,
My damned life was passing fast.
It ain't game for every player,
I figured that it wouldn't last.
So i knelt and said a prayer
For the present, future and the past.

God, I don't deny the guilt
For cut strings and broken thread
And the walls between us built
During nights I spent in dread
Hangin' bout dirt and filth,
Having share in graceless spread.

I'd be pleading till I'm gone
If that's whats meant to be
God, don't turn Your heart to stone,
You were what I couldn't see -
The only thing I've ever known.