Reminiscence Poem by Nenia Arnaiz Dulom

I sit and wonder
About those things -
The could have, should have, and would have
Or sometimes the reverse,
All those seem unfinished business of days gone by,
Then my head voluntarily shakes itself.

I look at myself,
A reflective assessment,
And wonder about such things -
The maybes, buts and ifs,
All those hanging questions in my head,
Then tears flow freely down my cheeks.

I take a walk to flee,
And follow the ascent and descent,
Of the landscape of my life,
Like the ups and downs of my heart beat,
I march on the road faster than my speed,
As my breathing accelerates.

In the middle of the road of nowhere,
My mind continues to ruminate,
Some thoughts of ancient and recent histories,
I realize to walk away is not a help,
So once again I am faced
With many fragmentary realities.

I wish and pray between each hurried pace,
For forgotten memories
To stop flowing like a stream,
And leave me at peace with myself,
But now I am caught in melee.
Against my own tenacity.

Oh no, please not again,
The should and would returned,
Accompanied by familiar maybe,
They sneer at me like enemies,
Who can easily overwhelm me,
And can throw me out of balance.

Like ones who miss my presence,
Or my long time companionship in challenge,
The antagonism and the struggle they wish to see,
So it starts with - I should not think
About those painful and upsetting events,
Or would not let depressing current overwhelm me.

Invasion of my mind,
Of thoughts of bad and good,
Feelings that go with sigh,
An occasion of regret and guilt,
Nothing but a nostalgic moment,
Is an instant like this.


(August 12, 2011-Philippines)