Sunday, February 12, 2006

Reborn Comments

Rating: 2.8

Before the chatoyant twilight came ashore
Dazzled whims blocked my soul
I had to break the chains of hells
To break these horrendous Satan spells
...
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Helgard du Preez
COMMENTS
Martha J. Eshelman-Smith 12 February 2006

I liked the way you handled the rhyme mould/cold and Seth/death are not overused and the sound natural in this context. The line 'Ambivalent flavors darkened me' is surprising and evocative. 'Chatoyant' sent me to the OED - an unusual and apt word. However, the image of 'Emotions leaping in a conoid mould' did not work for me - leaping/mould as images clashed and 'conoid' seemed pretentious.

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Helgard du Preez

Helgard du Preez

South Africa
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