Sunday, February 12, 2006
Reborn Comments
Rating: ★2.8
Before the chatoyant twilight came ashore
Dazzled whims blocked my soul
I had to break the chains of hells
To break these horrendous Satan spells
...
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7/25/2025 9:23:50 PM # 1.0.0
I liked the way you handled the rhyme mould/cold and Seth/death are not overused and the sound natural in this context. The line 'Ambivalent flavors darkened me' is surprising and evocative. 'Chatoyant' sent me to the OED - an unusual and apt word. However, the image of 'Emotions leaping in a conoid mould' did not work for me - leaping/mould as images clashed and 'conoid' seemed pretentious.