Ramon Novarro Poem by jackilton peachum

RAMON NOVARRO
Laurel Canyon, Cal.) ,1968
(Rome, Italy,1925)

For JOANNA

There I was then-- a young man,
hardly able to grasp my good fortune!
Oh, yes, they're coming to me now
--in my collective death-dreams--
those lines I spake silently long ago!

--I was dying in the desert
and a man gave me water--

We filled the stadia with citizenry.
-- Roman faces, a crowd wrapped in tunic, toga,
sometimes a Legionaire's helmet
-- one woman excited, crying and yelling,
miming out for blood and thunder!

The arena smelling strong of horse-sweat
keen with sweetrot of fresh horse-manure,
and I driving my racing chariot around the Circus--
-- my hands aching, thick heavy leather reins tight,
wrapped round my wrists, cutting off circulation--

Ths day hot, on the dirt track, a small yellow dust-cloud
churned up by the horses, the chariot wheels--
it burned in our eyes, caked on the face,
choking, leaving gritstick in the mouth, the nose,
on the tongue--

Our crewmen buried in pits photographing from below--
the horse's hoofs thundering, pounding above,
My team-- four great white steeds, giant gaseous beasts--
galloping wildly, farting through the race, the movie,
blowing spray of moisture from flared racing nostrils!


And my compadre, Francis Bushman,
--barrel-chested Messala-- winged helmet-- I, Ben Hur!
He balanced, stood up in his rocking swaying chariot,
damned me, lost himself in the role and made at me blindly,
using his whip, whipping at me, cursing aloud!

Such intense feelings I have never known,
till my death itself--
One night two fools ran loose in my house,
their intent-- robbery,
convinced I had money hidden--

No money--
but a largish dark dildo left by a lover
-- they shoved it down my throat
and I choked to death on it whilst they tortured me!

Aye, we were such young devils then,
strong enough to drive a racing chariot round the turns!

Never guessing. in the powers of our youth,
the clever comical indignity of death-- the loss of it all!

But, then, what can a young gay man say or know
of loneliness
or standing alone in the arena?