Pulled From Deep Sleep Comments

easy dreaming of a heavy thought....to be pondered on...10 thank you

Oratory and ideas simply objected, Unmoved by all, their views simply presented 10

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest,

Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,

What west” I exclaimed and posed question, Why don’t you say who you are and purpose mention? Heard harsh reply “We are here for further prevention”

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest,

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,

Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,

“What west” I exclaimed and posed question, Why don’t you say who you are and purpose mention? Heard harsh reply “We are here for further prevention” You staying here is now out of question,

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,

I would prefer to write critique for your eyes only, but since you do not allow private messaging through this service, I will simply say, this is much too long for the subject matter and the lack of good grammar makes it difficult to understand in places. This reads like an exercise for a writing class, rather than something you felt compelled to communicate. Your first two stanzas are the best, and it seems most commenters quote from those. The beginning pulls us in, but the rest does not deliver. The imperative to rhyme makes you twist some sentences out of shape, never a good idea. And irregular line lengths and half rhymes weaken the already very weak rhyme structure. Edit and rewrite are a poet's best friends, The short lines with a wobbly rhyme scheme is more fitting for light verse, humor, and children's nursery rhymes. I feel no emotional investment. If you wanted me to feel something, you must feel something. None of this is said in a mean way, you obviously have invested much time and energy into writing, it's important to you. All I am pointing out is this one needs to go back to the drawing board if there is something important here to communicate.

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep,

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,

“What west” I exclaimed and posed question, Why don’t you say who you are and purpose mention? Heard harsh reply “We are here for further prevention

I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west

dreams some times pull us up....10

it is very very bad dream....10

it is awsome scene....10

it is astonishing to see bad dreams...10