Pretending you are gone....it's how I get by
Pretending you never were
Pretending I never loved you
Pretending you will never come home
...
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I truly Hope you find happiness, and not just nameless distractions, and liquid spirits to comfort you. Please stay safe. Promise, No Tall Buildings, Please. This world is much better with you In it!
I'm sorry you have lost your best friend. Your lover. Your Husband. the father of your children. But You may find it again. when you feel a bit better soon, I hope. Maybe you will find someone new. It will never be the same. I know this, and you know I know this from my own experience. I thought I had found it again. But I guess she just wasn't ready. But that's on me not something you need to worry about.
BTW. you are a most gifted poet. I have been inspired by what I have read. I know the pain you feel. I wish I could comfort you and say it will get better. It doesn't. It just gets a bit duller year by year.
There are a lot of people in this world who truly Love you! And yes, you can still count me as one of the many who love you. Be Happy Please! You Deserve to be Happy! !