Pizza Delivery Poem by anais vionet

I'm going to each of my suitemates' rooms. One at a time, methodically. I pause, for dramatic purpose, until I have their full attention. Once I have it, I rushingly, excitedly, breathlessly say, "I'M getting pizza later, for the GAME! " Like a seven year old child.

Now, my roommates KNOW we're ordering pizzas later. They're all "on board, " everyone's submitted their order and venmo'd their money to Sunny who will actually place the order for delivery at 5: 30 pm. But I'm excited. I LOVE pizza (and American, NFL football) and I love being childish.

My roommates, like my brother, sister and parents before them, know this and love my manic, overactive way of excising tedium. Besides, I won't do this more than once or twice - ok, maybe three times today before the pizza comes.

Since you've read this far - allow me to opine, for a moment, about "self restraint."

Have you read about how they're using familial DNA to solve old cold-case murders? I think they should use familial DNA to track down whomever it was that invented self restraint.

It was probably some old Protestant. I mean, Catholics only have sin - it's yes or no - binary. So without researching it (at all) , I think we're dealing with someone born after the protestant reformation of 1555 - but I'm flexible.

Anyway, they should track that person down, dig them up, beat them with a stick, and then rebury them, in unhallowed ground.

I hate self restraint. It's so.. restraining.

#restraintsux

* I say my roommates "love" my mania but in truth I have no hard data on that.