Ph: Love: The Ins And Outs Of Love Comments
Is the passion of loins or the merging of mind
More significant role found in Love if Love's real?
And does sex make its bed (a sad urge to survive
In some way when you die) , more desires its genes thrive
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1 - line 2: perhaps start with " The" and how about " minds" , not " mind" in line 1?
I would say that the " The" at the beginning of the 2nd line is rightly understood and not required since the first line uses " the" twice my friend. As for making " mind" in the first line plural, perhaps I should captitalize it for I mean it to be the universal mind and not just the mere " minds" of a man an a woman! You thought it was just to force a rhyme with " kind" in the last line of the first stanza? Ha!
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8/27/2025 3:48:10 AM # 1.0.0
2 - i don't like the rhyme scheme. in fact i hate it. you Do rhyme consistently, but, as i've told people before, the poem can suffer, making it less understood. i think (KNOW, for me) that has happened here! i love good rhyming but would much rather have a totally un-rhyming poem than a well-rhymed one such as this one....as long as the un-rhyming one is understandable. bri :)
I love flow Bri, and good rhyme as well. Close rhymes can call too much attention to themselves and distract (make a poem sing-songy!) Easy rhymes and self indulgent " free verse" can make a 'poet' lazy! Rhyming requires effort, makes you think about what you are saying, and the search for rhyme can also inspire! But say more please! What is it that you really hate here or do you just love laziness? Ha!