Ph: Life: Growing Up, La! * - Chapter 1 - Rev 4 Comments

doubled down? he was a gambler, or made sandwiches at mcdonalds? just kidding. readers, it is another idiom; look it up and look for something about doubling ones investment, risk, or commitment (something like that i think) . i'm with ya so far, brian, la. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - i'm thinking that the nicest store in town was owned by your dad, but it is not made clear so far as i've read. insides/sides and days/daze................................i do like rhymes so i won't yell at you too much. i usually would not use such 'obvious'? rhymes, if i may call them obvious', but i didn't even notice insides/sides at first. days/daze somehow helps to emphasize the two words and how they are used in the poem. so ok. :) ok, i just quickly scanned the poem to look at the other rhymes. i don't think your rhyme scheme is as intricate as it is in some of your poems. that's ok. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Attended too the poorest school, .....at first i was going to ball you out (not bail you out) ....oops! ....i think it should be bawl you out. yes! i'm glad i caught my own mistake! ! ! ! anyway, la, as i was saying, i was going to bawl you out for misspelling to, as i thought you meant to say went to when you typed Attended too. but now i think you mean(t) that you attended the poorest school 'as well as' lived across the track. so i think you meant Attended also. i'm assuming across the track means here on the other side of the tracks or on the wrong side of the tracks, which to me would imply that you lived in the poor area of your town. poor either financially or socially, which is often the same. - - - - - - - - - - - - - some of your english sounds a little funny to me, a NEW YORKER, but it may sound fine to other Okies/Oklahomans. - - - - - - so far my favorite part is: That was my mother's legacy, And Art the air she breathed, Though slight she strongly stood her ground, Our future she bequeathed........................though i don't quite figure out the reference to Art; i'm glad there was no f in front of it. - - - - - - - - - OK. already there are new winners of my 'favorite lines' contest. : With two desserts at every meal, (And Mom was quite a cook.) But if you didn't clean your plate, From Dad you got a look, The waste of food a mortal sin, A thump upon the ‘bean, ' Made every meal traumatic fare, And tears a daily scene. .....................and it's not just because i like food so much, especially desserts, which i rarely get (or need) . the use of fare here is quite apropos, as is bean (meaning head, but it could be what you were or weren't eating that night) . i'm using the adjective form of apropos which i have perhaps never written before in my lifetime, la. brian brings out the best.....and worst.....in bri. :) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - you write that Dad seldom raised his head, to show his humility. but i 've started to read about his role as 'punisher' and he doesn't sound humble (show humility) there. sounds like he could have used more humanity, even if he thought he was doing right by you. - - - - - - - - - - you used Depression without explaining what you were referring to. i assume you are referring to the years of economic depression in the united states (1930s; the Depression) before you were born, when 'times were hard for many'. some foreign-born-and-educated and many younger (than you and i) readers may think you are referring to emotional depression. it is difficult to fit so much into a poem (and make it all easily-understandable) with condensation of lines, especially when you are following a rhyme scheme faithfully. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - the last 3 stanzas are very nice for the way they are written and for how revealing they are. KUDOS. i'm sure many PH members would cringe at the thought of writing about their lives so openly, assuming this is not all a pack of lies! ! ! i look forward to reading the next chapters, but if i don't get around to doing it this week, DO remind me! ! thanks for sharing. bri :) [many of my poems show some personal parts of my life, including much to my wife's displeasure, ......if she knew! ]

A very sad story.. beautifully expressed..its time like those and the love from your family that has made you tha person that you today are... a suberb writer... I heard you are a physicist too...: p