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I respect those poets
who can pen sonnets
and other rigidly ruled poems-
...
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Excellent. I have no words beyond the precise remarks of poet Smoky Hoss. Top score!
So true. Very good... and by the way, what ever style you are, keep it up, your words are wonderful. Your poems, pure passion. Your heart shines through!
Wow! ! ! Smoky, you always lift up my heart and spirits---now if only you would be the editor at a huge publishing house and read my book series! ! ! ! ! ! !
Profound insightful thoughts set aside for deep reflective thought..
As you rightly observed, penning sonnets is not an easy task if one sticks to the accepted pattern rigorously. I could write only five or six sonnets so far adhering to the right syllable count and rhythm. Your comparison at the end is quite apt Susan! A well adjudged write on sonnets....! Formality and strict adherence to rules always destroy spontaneity! A sure 10
I thank you for your kindness but I must admit to a certain lack of talent for getting fire and emotion across when stuffing words into cages. Thank you for enjoying me at my level. I appreciate it!
Incredibly impressive and amazing poem! .. In everything you write or format you choose, your beauty does truly shine through! .. You bring such smiles! .. Thank you ever so much for sharing this! .. My friend Ever so many 10S! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! +++++
Well, I got a lot of angst out writing this! ! ! Thank you for finding value in it Be a good little guardian angel now! ! ! !
I am officially getting old now. I used to be a perfect speller- oh, no, now it looks like I need a proofreader- how annihilating... the word should be hippo not hypo... oh, I am crushed... I thought that was such a cute line- well maybe it would have been if people were imagining stuffing a hippo into the corset and not a hypo- - my apologies
Aaaaah, thank you for your forbearance, Mj! ! ! ! ! You are kindness personified but I am still so embarrassed...
i relate, susan. for a long time i've had the credo (like that of architect frank lloyd wright) let form follow function. perhaps you're like me, having a problem, in general, with formality? hoping this finds you tip top, glen
I do believe we learn how to write what we feel naturally in our hearts and souls- it never hurts to learn how to handle the different types of poems, it expands the variety of ink we can use. Having said that, I think the message must flow in the right form, be it free verse or [groan] Shakespearean sonnet! I had the greatest news today and am stiil floating, thank you! ! ! ! !
I couldn't agree more! Your poem hammers home how my heart feels about such stricture. Yet in my ham-handed attempts to create under strict rules I've really had to search for alternative words and restructure my poem to fit and sometimes under those circumstances I create something I really like. I do love your poem!
Simone, dear, even your grocery lists probably sing and soar like poetry! ! ! ! There are a few incredibly awesome poets on this site and you are one of them. There is something about each of you- I call it the ABOVE factor. Your poems rise above- -creative, unique, inventive, straight from the soul. So I can see that even fighting against the restrictions of some forms, your poems rise above!
A really great poem, Susan. Something here reminds me of 18th century sonnets. And then there's the great twist, that jolt of humour at the end...the hypo in a corset. I keep asking- what kind of hypo? ....I never would think a hypochondriac could twist into a corset. Another perfect 10.
Oh, no, I never saw that. I used to be a perfect speller- oh, no, now it looks like I need a proofreader- how annihilating... I was always puffed up when friends and family would call me and ask me how to spell words. the word should be hippo not hypo... oh, I am crushed... I thought that was such a cute line- well maybe it would have been if people were imagining stuffing a hippo into the corset and not a hypo- -
Susan, this is wonderful poem, so honest and frank. And i loved it. Look at me Susan! i have never been able to write anything as strict as a 'Poem'! My verses are like pebbles on a beach, with no true identity, absolutely unknown and undiscovered! :) A full 100 for this poem that i fully identify with. Thank you my friend!
What a lovely description of your technique! ! ! I think your verses distinct, original, and so naturally expressive of your heart and soul. Thank you for the high ranking and your enjoyment of this piece!
Thanks for sharing ma'am. Have a wonderful day, with or without rhymes: -) P: S: I am pretty sure that the title of this poem has an alliteration and an image of an animal pinned on [the wall perhaps, and somehow I straight away thought of, although incorrectly of a butterfly] which suggests how painful it is to mould thoughts into a set pattern. I loved that.
Americans have a childhood game played often at birthday parties- it is called pin the tail on the donkey and the children one by one are blindfolded and armed with a paper tail and a push pin or adhesive tape, spun around, and the child who pins the tail closest to the donkey's bottom wins. Eeew, I could not pin a butterfly unless it were already dead
I would argue that it doesn't. That this is as good a poetry as you could have written in a sonnet form, or any other metrical form. In the end, the thought counts, and as we live in a world, whose rhythm we are incapable of understanding, and which doesn't rhyme at all, your poem is a fit one. This is what poetry is supposed to be in 2018.
Thank you, Red, I often doubt if my poems have much poetry in them. If you find grace in them, I am pleased
You use alliteration, assonance, enjambment, a kind of a thought-out syllable structure, i.e It doesn't get to the point where one line is, let's say 15 syllables, the next 2, and humour - so, does then leaving out rhymes make a difference?
Since I am not good at end rhyming, I prefer in-line rhyming which for some reason I do better in that my line doesn't sound forced, stretched painfully out or senseless, I have no answer for your question- I can only hope the reader had an enjoyable journey and maybe had cause to contemplate my thoughts for a moment. I did purposely use alliteration, assonance, and enjambment
And in the final two lines (17-18) : ‘It's like trying to fit a hypo into a corset if you ask me.’ You use humour to finish your poem, and make a point.
I hope it created a humorous picture in your mind- leave 'em laughing or crying is my motto
You use an enjambment to get your point forward. That is another poetic device in use.
I was unfamiliar with the term so I googled and found this- the running on of the thought from one line, couplet, or stanza to the next without a syntactical break- - I do this in prose work because of William Faulkner and his three page long sentences and now I find this alive and well in the novels of Cormac Macarthy.
In lines 12-16: ‘I find it| hard| to be simultaneously coherent, | and poetic| and emotionally| moving, when fitting| syllables| and rhymes| into rigid formats! ’
But I noticed one thing. You put 'am’, 'at’, 'all’ close to each other. Assonance? Were you doing it deliberately or did it just happen? I might have written the sentence as 'I am not respectable at all’. But in your case the words are arranged for a poetic device. Coincidence? If so, that just suggests how even unconsciously the poetic mind works.
I am not at all respectable- - -I have noticed in my prose writing that my sentence structure sometimes is backwards- -and a lot of times I like it that way and leave it like that especially if it adds sauce or flavor or mood or sometimes slows a reader down to read more closely. This I left for the sauciness it lent.
‘I am not| at all| respectable’ (8 syllables) At this point, I stopped caring about syllables, because that is not the point of this poem. Isn't it?
I'm sitting here grinning. There will be poems where I am struggling to pin those syllables down but I want people to know I know that the syllables are more apt to hog-tie me than I them!
Susan you aren't the only one Bravo! ! ! ! ! !