Our Royal Coat Of Arms Poem by Keith Elliott

It is in 70% of our UK homes
It appears in every court in every town
You sometimes see it above a posh shop
It has no word in English below or atop

Our Royal Coat of Arms is a peculiar thing
That owes its origin to one particular king
Our Edward III was a princely knight
Who loved the ladies who were in plight

So the story goes he saw a damsel in distress
A garter slipped from under her dress
To the floor it fell for all the court to see
The other courtiers giggled and smirked with glee

Angered our noble lord cut short their fun
He retrieved said garment and began to recite
Honi soi qui mal y pense
Protecting her honour with this noble defense

Well that's the official version line or stance
But the truth is much closer to home
When you have a woman's man on the throne
And a damsel willing to take her chance

Wearing loose stockings the garter was bound to fall
As the King bent down his desire would race
Ensuring that her cleavage was in the right place
Snaring her prey was no fall from grace

In an amazing about turn the King showed no shame
He let his court take all the blame
But later on in a pang of guilt
He founded the noblest order ever built

You may ask of our second motto Dieu et mon Droit
Well Kings knew they were appointed by GOD and held in awe
Unlike us they knew they had no flaws
So it was his God and he was always right

So next time you admire our Royal Coat of Arms
Smile that a randy old King did no evil
Nor did he think it (but had his fun)
An order of the garter founded and another court lady won.