'Open Sesame' Eyes Comments

I enjoyed this romantic little number. You have a feel for rhythm. I even liked the 'plush' line which was a bit jarring. Sort the last verse out though. It's absolute rot. Your inclusion of 'sesame eyes' in the last verse is contrived and out of context with your descriptive manner elsewhere, and particularly in that verse. There are many things to celebrate here, not least the line: 'Our faces take a carousel ride with conversation.' A bold rewrite and you'll feel better for it. Trust me.