On Becoming A Security Guard Poem by Richard Wlodarski

Who is a security guard?
One who transcends gender
One who is neither young
Nor a little too old
One who is neither white nor black
Nor any other colour
One who is neither Christian nor Jew
Nor Muslim nor other religion

What is a security guard?
One who loves and watches over life
One who protects property
From damage and theft
And is smart enough
Not to chase the thief

Where is the security guard?
Perhaps in the shopping mall
Not shopping but window shopping
And watching your every move
Perhaps in a bank or two
Protecting your bucks from schmucks
Perhaps in the airport dreaming of being on that jet
But instead, safeguarding against acts of terrorism

When not to become a security guard?
When you're so young you run after the thief
When you're so old you can't enjoy the perks
When you're looking to get rich in a hurry
When you're caught up in the latest fashions
When you don't mind remaining so damn obese

Why become a security guard?
Because you're human and like working with beings
Because it's the wave of the future
Because it's essentially recession proof
Because it's safer than being a cop
Because you're sick and tired of hearing:
You're overqualified. You're underqualified.
You're too young. You're too old.
And because your body is rebel yelling
Against the free slightly expired chow from the food bank