Old Woman Comments

A good write from the youthful old.

You are a very talented young writer. Your poems are generally strong and often surprising and full of humor (and other emotions.) Like many young writers, your poems are hit and miss but even your misses show great promise. This poem is interesting and challenging, but you don't quite pull it off the way you are trying. The ending should be more shocking more of a blindside to the reader. It is not a bad attempt. I rate it an 8 and many of your poems are better than that on my scale. Just know I am a fan and respect your talent. All the best - HDC

i really liked where this poem ended up, but i believe you could have added more punch to it; built it up, then really socked me in the face with that last stanza. Jake