Saturday, October 3, 2015

Old Bones - Haiku Comments

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Fine day, hit outdoors
Old bones, eons of slumber
Sound -dry log split asunder
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Seema Jayaraman
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Seema Jayaraman 04 October 2015

Okay.. here is another shot at making this a Haiku.. hope I have got it right this time.. obsessed with haiku.. hopefully I will be able to write it out from me...

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M Asim Nehal 04 October 2015

Nice one, but unfortunately this is not HAIKU. Haiku is one of the most important form of traditional Japanese poetry. It have 17-syllable verse form consisting of three metrical units of 5,7, and 5 syllables. Please check syllable 8-11-6. Thanks.

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Seema Jayaraman 04 October 2015

Thank you for your constructive feedback.. am still trying to understand the technicalities of Haiku.. will remember the guidelines mentioned by you. thanks

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Seema Jayaraman 04 October 2015

Thanks for ur feedback regarding basics of Haiku.. I ve corrected them.. Inviting u to ck out my other works latest one called Why Blame Me A, Blood Moon.. Thanks

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Seema Jayaraman 04 October 2015

One more attempt at correcting this one to Haiku.. hope it is right now.. obsessed with Haiku..hopefully will be able to shrug this off and get back to more familiar long verses

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