Obsolete Comments

I like that you are not conforming to typical poetic archetypes you have a more modernist sensibilities, it’s still beautiful rich in textures and is a very inviting read that never feels dull, a solid write.

This poem is good but the stanzas are kind of chopy

Her past is Obsolete, because of the events that have transpired to bring her her to this very moment in time... I get it Tiffany, Very good, very INGENIOUS. (Had to look it up to make sure of spelling and usage correct. Yep!) I have a similar one called -The Slasher, and also Fade to Black, and also Innocent Bride, and also Possesson. Great Ink Tiffany! ! ! ; -) -Kelly.

As I was reading the poem, I got more and more into it., feeling the same emotions the girl was. When I reached the end, it felt like someone stabbed me in my heart! I love poems that are loaded with impact, emotion and imagery.

I really like this poem, because it tells a great story and you are very good at using adjectives to create images in the readers mind, but I agree that it needs to be broken down, as the stanzas are long. Apart from that, it is well written, GOOD JOB! !

I like the short story...but.... the stanzas need either breaking down to create more flow or grouped like prose, if its to be presented as a poem. Perhaps less auxiliary words and more metaphor's? other than that, very creative indeed.

An ambitious poem that maintains its building threat to the very end where the dagger strikes. I don't know what the traumatic incident in Arianna's past was - perhaps I don't need to know - but it's effects are well shown. A sea of tears is a cliche. You can do without those. And and sin struck me as odd. But all the rest nestles in my heart quite well, unlike the dagger!

Great job on this poem. Well written.

great work i love your use of grammar poeple can learn from your style

hmm...powerful...you are a great story teller tiffany, must say..

You such a profound writter, I took so long to comment on this writte because I really did not know what to say, but due to the amazing and interesting write, I just went to the imaginary world The_African_Son (Th³_ªfR¹cª¬_šºN)

Wow your poems are just whoaa! you are soo gifted! You must have an extremely creative imagination :) well done

Very nicely witten Tiffany, especially godd for a 'highschooler'. Good descriptive images. I don't think I could give you any pointers... I'm just a poetaster myself... trying to learn by experience... I hope you read a lot... that's the only advice I can give you... the more you read, the more your brain/feelings will develop, enabling you to 'dip into' the (obvious) creative talent you have... Good luck... Terry

It's a good narrative poem. Well expressed at your age. I would suggest you to be more concise in writing. I means small sentences would express many things. Please bring more examples of nature in the poem. That make the poems artistic.

You had composed a prose poetry, well told narrative poem and this is good write from a young lady like you. Notable cogitation.

When their is no way out. Their is no doubt of the heart thumping pure adrenaline and emotion that is flowing. A desire for closure. A book slammed shut never be reopen. When a hard decision is made the consequences of it become so much less important. A good story is one that never really ends.

I confess to expecting a teenage emotional description of a suicide attempt. Your ending took me by surprise and the poem took on a deeper meaning. The description of emotion is dramatic and moving and the build up was really good. Well written.

you are amazing, you dont need me

thought provoking write.Very nice.Keep inking.

Whoever this person is it is better if she learns to forgive the past. Not forget, because she ends up with alzhimers, only forgive, because if she is just eating herself up, she will end up with cancer. Does it worth?