perfection, flawlessly she is
everything I want. she smiles
and my world glows in beams
of golden light. her hand rests
...
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2, Pulls out all the erotic-poem cliches (I think the word 'ecstasy' should be permanently retired from written English) and does nothing new.
Good content but there has got to be a better way of saying. So maybe rework the words a bit.