Nursery Rhymes For These Times Poem by Mark Walters

Nursery Rhymes for Today's Times

You Don't Know, Jack

None too nimble; not too slick,
Why did you jump the candlestick?
You've burnt your pants and seared your rear
Now the smell of flaming pubic hair
Wafts in upon the evening air

Besides all this, one more backlash
Your butt is burnt as black as ash
The E.R. docs and nurses fear
The jumping burning Jack who fell
Will lose his manhood now as well


Wolf vs. Bo Peep

Dear Plaintiff Bo Peep
Regarding lost sheep
Possession's nine-tenth's of the law

Your Writ of Mandamus
Won't stop wolves that claim us
From eating our chops on the lawn

Sincerely,

Your Flock


Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey diddle, diddle
How's a cat play a fiddle,
Or a cow jump over the moon?

You need to cut back
Your dose of Prozac
Or you'll OD long before noon


Dear Ms. Tuffet

Dear little Ms Muffet,
Just what is a tuffet?
And why do you stuff it,
With big curds and whey?

Your rear ends no lighter,
Than that of a spider,
Who won't sit beside her.
He's into lowfat today.


Mary Mary's Garden Faeries

Mary Mary:

'Oh garden faeries so contrary,
Why won't my garden grow? '

Faeries:

'Faeries felled by Shotgun shells,
Wished you had shot crows,
Instead.'