Its noon, its noon
Sitting outside, a gentle breeze
Followed with a touching smell
Continues on and on
...
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some fine imagery used which completes the picture that you are trying to fuse with your poetic words nice one
in your place you probably describe at noon time regularly...I am hungry.. my stomach need to be fed...it's natural...is that the point you want?
I thought some words could have been added or deleted. 'cooker'? ? But overall, it was inviting to come to that persons house or neighborhood around noon. Also a picture story was behind it.
Perhaps you meant 'cooking, ' rather than 'cooker? ' 'sweating' heat, rather than 'swearing heat? ' - although that might be an interesting usage. And, I'm guessing, 'drained, ' rather than 'drain? ' Keep at it, Rohan. A good suggestion I have heard: read lots of poetry, classical and modern. See how the masters get that blend of image, metaphor, symbol, and make a blend as tasty as that lunch you describe. Best wishes!
I assume you are describing noon around where you live. This is interesting from a cultural standpoint, but a reader of poems wants something more of substance here. The purpose of this writing is missing. The message is missing. The why, is missing. That's a lot. Beyond that, there is little to comment on except that I got hungry. GW62
Nice, I thought this very good but was left a little wantting at the end. Some very nice imagies and good choice of words too. I think this could be longer with othervignettes of noon. Nice work.
i llike it. good job on making ur senses come to life in this poem good job.
Noon in effortless words and a good feeling it induce... Well described and a good write..
You have created a beautiful picture of the noon time. Your writing is simple and touching.
it is half way therel, the images you use are really human and touching but your poem lacks some poetic impact. Think about trying to give it a rythem or some half rhyme just to give it a poetic feel. There is a lot you could do with this poem because it is a very relatable image but just work on building a poem round your words. xx keep up the good start xx