My family
All backs turned againest me
My friends
One by one
...
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So much pain to gain all at once. You see your to blame and thats so ashame. Im sure some day you will regain and be fled from this insane battle. You are not alone thou God does love you, he's the all mighty and loves all his children the same as no other. You should never talk evil of yourself nor God because his power is stronger then ours.
Have faith. Not cynicism. Dare to hold out for that one perfect one.