Monday, November 21, 2011

Nightmares (English Sonnet) Comments

Rating: 4.0

There sometimes is really bad kind of dreams
which you want to avoid, to be waking,
when in your ears you hear your own screams,
while your body, mind and soul is aching
...
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Gert Strydom
COMMENTS
Technical critic 27 February 2022

Oh, one more thing: on the last two lines, survive and life do not rhyme when spoken by speakers of English.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Remember, EVERY line must have TEN syllables, PLUS, the stress pattern must be IAMBIC, or it is not an English sonnet. Keep writing. You will get it.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 14, also 3 extra syllables.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 13, three extra syllables.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 12 is missing two syllables.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 11 = one extra syllable.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line ten has three extra syllables.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 8 has FOUR extra syllables.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 7 has one extra syllable.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 6 has TWO extra syllables.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Line 5 has an EXTRA syllable.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

Oops, I meant line 3, not line 4, is missing a syllable.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

line 4 is missing a syllable.

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Technical critic 27 February 2022

NOT an English sonnet. The pattern is not iambic.

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Gert Strydom

Gert Strydom

Johannesburg, South Africa
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