News U Can Use Poem by Nellie Isabelle Steward Cooper

Extending a very warm welcome to all of you watching tonight's telecast

Where we cover the news far-n-wide...very-very important information

All the local news... news that does not confuse... news u can use

So now we shall begin: This is Less.. giving u more... news u can use

Some more of our live, local, late.. breaking wind... coming to you.... at ten

A new policy has just gone into effect concerning current legal requirements

This being far more exacting and precise... so very proper and ever so nice

No more tuff-n-ruff toilet tissue in government buildings, it being far too common a site

This being not quite all rite.. all must be replaced with soft.. lavender, pink, or other pastel

Some other type that you do like... ever so well... oh yes that kind will really be swell

Speaking of important tidbits of information you are now not permitted to eat other animals

As you have done so with great gusto throughout the many years... just as a super sale for all animal meat appears

No more spiked hi-heel shoes.. with pointy little toes that hurt sooo much to wear..as you go here and there

Done so with such great elegance and flair.. then after this requiring foot care.. no longer shall u bear

Speaking of broken toes (oh that hurts sooo much) it's my big toe again... as it throbs and rushes in pain

So you will not go thump and bump... (not seeing in a dark nite) ... no I'm not allrite..never shall u wear eyeliner or mascara again

This just in, another planet has been discovered that is only lite years away, get your tickets today...please don't delay

You'll be scudding through space at quite rapid a pace.... ensconced in a chair...forgetting all care.. soon you'll be there

Now tis time for my close up, a visage posed with great concern and dread, as there is much more to be said

Be back at eleven (with many more tidbits of news) making sure you have all the...news-that-is-news...and to keep u well fed

Until we meet again my friend... this is Less with more.. your tip-top news anchor at ten......with much more at eleven...news that does not confuse...news you can use...