Friday, January 4, 2013

! (New) The Dark Road Comments

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The highway is now dark
For a bandit has stolen the argon coins
From the glass of its lamp poles.
The concrete isthmus is now paved
...
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K. Jared Hosein
COMMENTS
Alex Roth 04 January 2013

It's ok, but you need to edit your work a bit more. For example: The highway is now dark is bit redundant. May I suggest, The highway is dark. The second line is redundant as well, For a bandit has stolen the argon coins. May I suggest, A bandit stole the argon coins. The difference is simple: elegance and effectiveness. My improvement, The highway is dark, gets the image to the reader without cluttering the page, and the readers' minds.

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K. Jared Hosein

K. Jared Hosein

Trinidad and Tobago, West Indies.
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