My School Assembly Poem by Keith Elliott

I went to an all- boys Grammar School
Modelled, no doubt, on a watered-down version of Eton
You did not get in by your parent's wealth or class
Although you had to sit the eleven plus and pass.

Everyday, followed the same routine
We would gather for morning assembly
Staff in their gowns on the stage
Boys seated and arranged by their age

We sang the school hymn
And recited "Our Father"
Followed by Bible Readings a plenty
But never Ezekiel 23-20*

The Head always addressed the assembled
But one day he appeared to have an awkward tremble
"It has come to my attention" he said
Turning bright pink and then a flushing red

"That a boy from this school was seen with a girl"
We all were pensively waiting for this startling revelation
"Doing things unbefitting of the school uniform"
We all thought not easy to perform in your school unform

We desperately tried to contain our mirth with a hand over face
But behind the Head the Staff were all over the place
The Head then lost it and said " Just because I mention the word girl
There is no need to Titter"

"Stand up all that are laughing" he yelled
We all pointed at the stage
But none of the staff obliged
He trudged off none the wiser but still enraged

Assemblies were never the same after that
We all waited for the Head to make another calamitous mishap
But the Deputy Head who was street smart
Intervened and told him "I'll do that "


• Ezekiel 23-20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses