My Mental Pain Poem by Tessa Monaghan

hes a heart breaker
loves to play games with what he doesn't break
for some reason
i still cant decide what it is that my heart really wants
Hes complicating everything.
more then it needs to be.
I still believe he don't know what he wants
he left to avoid drama
but in reality
its all his own
that he is carrying with him.
It wont leave him alone until
he try's to solve it.
Not run from it.

hes trying to run away
but it just follows
he hasn't tried to solve any puzzles
its still a jig saw
just a pile of drama
and problems
he hasn't tried to solve anything
with me
he just ran away
making it easier bit by bit
to decide what
or who
i should listen to.

Then
some how
i seem to remember
all this stuff that i love
just enough to set me back.
back to where i was.
Making things worse
and harder for me
you confuse me
more and more than anything

it seems like all you do
is play games with my heart
kind of like its your specialty
but its confusing as heck
i still ask myself
if i'm doing the right thing
To stay
or to leave
I'm sure that my heart is saying stay
while my brain is saying go
you dont need any of this
extra stress or drama
its time to get rid of it.
but im trying to learn how to deal
How to some how ignore the drama
the pain
and the stress.
I'm not going to be like him
and try to run away
i'm gion to deal
or solve.
not be like my baby

i will not run
i will not try to push him
but he shall know
i will NOT be him
i try to avoid it.
bit not him

he makes me wonder
he makes me think.
sometimes
he even makes me cry
he might cause me mental pain
but i cant leave him.
i have to have him
keep him in my life
keep him in my heart
however
hes making it header and header
harder to insure myself
that i made the right choice
to give him that second chance

is he trying to prove me wrong?
or is he just trying to have fun?
with seeing me in all this pain?
i want to know all this stuff
but i cant get myself to ask him.
kind of like the same way
that he wont talk to me
he is unpredictable
but i still want him.
he is revealing
but it h ave to have him.

but with how he is doing
and dealing with all this
is making me wonder and ponder
do i want to stay involved with it all?
i second guess myself
but i still
want to stay with him
says my heart.