*my Dad My Ptsd* Poem by Mike Banda

Dear Dad,
I wish you were my uncle, or
I beheld at you in a sight of a bother,
I wish you were a stranger on the street,
Or better yet a poacher in the field.
But, , , but, ,
I had to be your daughter,
And you my father,
You were my role model,
You were my HERO!
Whenever we could spend some time together,
I always felt our scenes were in a perfect weather,
Cause no hurricanes or thunderstorms would be stronger than him,
I always felt protected.
Like a little minion,
I followed him wherever he could go,
And he could spin me around like i was Mary going around,
Busting my lungs with tears of joy, , and i was happy.
He gave me enough meat, and chicken,
That i puffed my belly,
Not knowing i was being nourished for one purpose, , ,
One purpose only, , , being fed on..
(I repent) to be fed on, ,
It was on my birth day,
When he walked into my room,
When no one else was home,
I come in close,
When i had no proper clothes on.
He squeezed my little mangoes to his chest,
So tight that i felt pain in my chest,
His lips on mine,
I squawked in an out bust for help.
But the walls of my room seemed to close in,
Like a York i felt so closed in,
I couldn't break out.
His caresses on me,
Felt like they were the devil's,
Teeming pain and hurt was my Triumph,
I was been dragged straight to the pits of hell..
And In abyss i was,
Even though i dragged out and rescued,
Post-traumatic stress disorder still drags me back!
For i see him in my dreams,
And at times i still feel is a devilish hand running around me.
I get scared, ,
I get scared, , of being in a relationship
Or just being touch,
For my body trembles in fear,
Its de 'ja vu for me.
My lovers are my victims,
whenever i awake from my nightmare,
i squeeze their necks like big,
wanting to pop their breath out.
and now I'm out,
i' m out of lovers,
no one wants to be with me,
because everyone is afraid.
All because he quit being a dad
and decided to be my PSTD,
he might be far from me,
but is soul still torments me... every day..
#SPEAK-OUT_RAPE
#SPEAK-OUT_GBV
@Chronicles_MPB_2021