My Bonkers Family Poem by Phil Soar

If they said that I was bonkers, it wouldn't bother me
I felt that I was 'not all there', since I was only three
In fact my mother used to say, that 'the loony bin' is waiting
I didn't mind, cos at the time, I was caught when masturbating

The family all had different traits, mine was a mystery
There were nutters that went back for years, within my ancestry
There was a distant knight who lost a fight, because he was a twit
And a maiden fair, who grew her hair, and had an extra tit

A well known Lord owned a massive sword, and used it to chop meat
And he died when a epilyptic fit, made him cut off both his feet
Great aunt nell had an old brass bell, and rang it all the time
Until uncle norm, wore a uniform, and said it was a crime

There were many Loonys stretching back to Seventeen Fifty Four
When townfolk knew, about our 'Loose Screw', old uncle Theodore
He begat many a buxsome maid, and he fathered many a tot
So they hung him from his cock and balls, while the women laughed a lot

So if they say that I am bonkers, I understand the fact
But I've managed to miss the 'loony bin' and kept my mind intact
That's not to say I might go nuts, in the years that lie ahead
In the meantime I will act it up, until the moment I am dead