Moon Light Fever Comments

Don't doubt yourself in your writing, its awesome. Far better than mine is. Keep them poems coming :)

great imagery :) keep it up!

Delightful read! Keep writing...

Thanks, guys, I need this advice. I'll try out that rhyming thing, G, thanks! =] Well, come back soon, I'm going to post another poem, if I can think of something. I really appreciate the advice! ayam =]

Ms. Justice: I agree with Mr. Lenth, this is the best of the five I have read so far. I also share his opinion with regard to rhyming. My suggestion is that, perhaps as an exercise, you try some 'off' rhymes. Instead of rhyming 'moon' and 'June, ' for example, try finding your meaning (or better yet, your mood) first, and then look for the words that best express that meaning or mood. When people rhyme, they often are so concerned with finding the right rhyme that they overlook the meaning and mood. Find what you wish to convey and then look for the words that will most directly accomplish that. Substance first, then form. Of course, this is all my opinion. I could be wrong. Happy motoring, G

This, as I am sure you know, is your best on the sight. If I were to say why, it would be because it reaches for more originality than the others. It's not that I think rhyming is bad, but sometimes without enough practice, one risks letting rhythm, structure, and even imagery become predictable. At the end of the day though, you definitely have a leg up on most of us starting so young. Good luck!

sweet :) good write