you've finally melted into what i hoped you were underneath.
and it's so messed up that i can only love in reaction to abuse,
i can only stay attached if i know i'm being used;
an outlet for anger or for input of lust,
...
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Sounds like your on the verge of giving up something worthwhile because you don't think you're worthy (I've read your other poetry which suggests this as well) . Don't make that mistake - stick it out. Check out my poem Divorce/El Nino. Be each other's better half. Good Luck. Dan