***mommy, Don'T Leave Me Just Yet! *** Comments
She was young, beautiful and happy
She was her daddy's pride
She, a good daughter
And her daddy finds for her a husband
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This poem comes from somewhere very deep. It is an honest, passionate and very moving plea from a daughter to her ailing mother. The reader feels your pain and joins you in your words of supplication - 'Mommy, Don't leave me just yet' loe, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
This poem has a nice title, but many of the lines are much too obvious. You are using imagery in your poetry, but it is weak because it isn't using imagery through FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE. Figurative language is the meat of a poem, it is what keeps the reader's eyes on the path of the next lines. The poem about the struggling mother is a subject that has been overdone very much. You want your poem to stand out more. Use metaphors, similes, sounds, anything. Everyone knows 'watery eyes' means 'tears'. Try something spicy like 'dewed lashes' or something else. I cannot connect to this poem because it's structure is too rigid, too predictable. Add surprises to it. Play with the lines. Be bold, don't be afraid. Don't get into the habit of creating obvious cookie cutter poems. This kills the art.
The heart-pull of poignance is finely displayed, here...Structurally smooth write, through your employment of tight, crisp linage....(3rd stanza...''roofed should be ''roof''') Otherwise...Solid Work, young lady. *F j R*
that poem was very touchy i like it a lot keep up the good work
No, Mommy won't leave you! If I do, I wish I shouldn't be born INTO THIS WORLD! ! ! ! Touching piece! !
A very nice piece of work in the world of poetry.Do keep on writin for us to learn from you too.Bye. Edward Kofi Louis
covert of love to own kids and die for them... Sacrificed her life Gave her all for her kids But never complained And never asked for anything, anything..........! ! !
oh very sad and touching poem.. you did a beautiful job on writting such a passionate, touching poem on the bitter truth of life....thanks for sharing 10 keep smiling rgds asif
Sad poem written with a passion of tears. ' I wished that time never exists ' What a heavenly wish....But we all have to face tyranny of time. Mother's love is all!
there is feeling in this poem that can't be ignored I like it
Very touching poem. Emotionally written. Make me feel sad too. Mother's love is the greatest love on earth.
Sad poem written with compassion-these things will make you feel you depressed
very sweet poem i love the words spoke of mommy great work If you find sometime can you read a few of my poems also the one called: 'Proven Love'' thank you and god bless! !
Very heart tugging. I feel the injustice of the situation. So sad!
oh! ! sad and touching poem.........well penned and i agree with palas kumar....
An honest plea from a caring, loving daughter well written. Good work, Mary. Love, Jerry. Addendum: Please advise the moment you receive Hard Labour, thanks...
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10/21/2025 11:17:35 PM # 1.0.0
i must say this poem is very deep written very good job keep up the good work btw check out my new poems plz and thank you