Mermaid Poem by Puspanjali Sahu

It was and is
not easy for me
I beg don't make it harder

You will not understand
and I can't make you to feel
how it feels
when your body can't hold your heart

How it feels
when you know in your veins
what you feel
but barricade between your body and mind
will not let you
feel your feelings

How it feels
when the world address you
Dude
and you afraid
the girl you are trying hard
to coffined in your heart
will show up

I wish I could show you
my pain filled abortive trials
to push hard
even the tiniest bulging meat on my body
deep inside into my skeleton

I wish I could show you
Pain of pretension

Pretension of walking straight
Pretension of speaking loud
Pretension of being brave
at the time of drooping in fear
that you will be identified
and termed as a queer

I wish I could make you realize
helplessness of being a public secret
anguish of dying out of respect
and living in agony
because your body
is not answerable to anatomy

When you all wanna prove your identity
I am begging you
please let mine go

because
my identity
can not be identified
by the tiny part between my legs
Please tell me
how long I need to beg

to find the place
where my body will not be dissected
to discover
my hearts gender

Please tell me
how long......?