Maurading Toddler (Haiku 5-7-5 Meter) Comments
Maurading toddler
Prising curved eye lashes
Dawns golden ray
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A very interesting Haiku that is perhaps left open to multiple interpretations.. But even just as 'three' lines, 'nine' words and 'nineteen' syllables, it stands as something extremely original and really warm... The comparison of 'dawn' with the opening of the eye of a toddler is really interesting.. However, your use of the word 'prising' left me with more scope for thought.. Why use the verb 'prise' that means 'using force to open something'? ? Is it because the saying that 'after every night their will be a dawn' seems a bit too simple to be taken at face value? ? Maybe, the poem suggests that it takes an innocent (maybe 'pure') yet strong effort from a person to actually succeed in life.. That the 'after the night there will be dawn' - yes, but that 'dawn' won't come with an effort... So much expressed through so little a space... Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem.. It just made my evening tea taste even better...
SEVENTEEN syllabes, I beg your pardon... I realised why I often failed in maths now...
Thanks Souren, the comparsion is actually with a toddler who tries to gain the elders attention by playfully and forcibly trying to open the sleeping elders eyes..
Thanks Souren, didnt mean to keep you so occupied with this haiku... The intention was simple..i used the example of toddler who attempts to gain elders attention by playfully forcing open elders eyes to see his pranks. Glad you enjoyed.
Eye lashes downs the amazing golden rays. Very interesting and fantastic imagination really. Nice sharing...10
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7/18/2025 10:54:01 PM # 1.0.0
I only see it as the sun peeking over the horizon for a lovely day thanks-10
You are right Loke, the intention was simple.. However I used the metaphor of a toddler who playfully tries to prise open ones eyelids when one is taking a quick nap or pretending to nap.