Maga Gorilla On The Roof Poem by Jim McGill

Here's a story I'll tell yuh
About a hell of a MAGA gorilla
Who is not too swell of'a fella
He saz it's freedom he has to sell yuh
But when you don't obey, he'll kill yuh

Last Tuesday night in Kalamazoo
This MAGA gorilla escaped from the zoo
While wearing his MAGA red cap
He upped and jumped a fenced gap
While swearing and spoiling for a fight
He ambled off into the dark night

That morning Flo Flukblucker awoke
She thought this had to be a joke
There was a gorilla on her roof
But, this was no ordinary spoof
For on his head was the MAGA red cap
And he kept giving her chimney a slap

Questioning how could this possibly happen
Thinking to herself…she started recappin'
Then—her memory suddenly got jarred
Oh no! That Democrat sign in the yard!

So, knowing not what to do
She frantically called up the zoo
And spoke to a zookeeper who told her
The MAGA gorilla was getting much bolder
Becoming more unhinged as he gets older
He will grab any pussy and then he will yowl
"I am powerful and strong she's mine to maul"
A possessive aggressive who hasn't been spayed
So, the zookeeper decided he would come to her aid

He arrived within minutes in a truck with his assistant
But, the equipment he unloaded seemed inconsistent
For the unusual job Flo had called on him to do
He removed a MAGA red flag and a baseball bat too
Pair of handcuffs, then a ladder she'd seen at the zoo
A battery eggbeater…also—a growling Rottweiler
Finally, he pulled out a shotgun to further beguile her

Somewhat confused, Flo Flukblucker asked:
"Why such equipment" as she stood there aghast
The zookeeper, with confidence explained
In a manner of one who is very well trained
"I will climb the ladder and hand him the flag
Distracted, he will start dancing and waving that rag
I then shove the eggbeater ‘tween the cheeks of his butt
And turning it on should get him hopping somewhat
He will keep jumping and land near the edge
Losing his balance, he'll fall over the ledge

When he lands it will be the liveliest of spectacles
As the dog run's in and clamp's on to his testicles
While he prances, waving the flag too and fro
With the dog clamped on to his privates below
I will scoot in and bop him on the bean with the bat
This will stun the beast—then I cuff him, simple as that!

Flo said "it's certainly a great plan bar none"
But still confused, she asked "Why the gun? "
He then replied "there is no reason to bafflegab
It's the privates the dog is trained to grab
Now, it is possible I could fall off the ladder
This danger is certainly no small matter
So, while you stand and stare all agog
My assistant will shoot that damn dog! "


Jim McGill, September,2024