Saturday, June 10, 2017

Love Is Beauty Comments

Rating: 0.0

I have to connect your sweetness to love and beauty,
Only my eyes swivel and see the love in front of me.
If never crying, you will be dying, shedding a tear
For the creator at the end of this short stay on this world.
...
Read full text

COMMENTS
Jefferson Carter 10 June 2017

Naveed, this is pretty good. The poem might be better if you told less (used fewer abstractions like happiness, and sadness) and showed more (used vivid images) . Also, the line breaks don't enhance the poem's expressiveness. Maybe immerse yourself in lots of good contemporary poetry in English (Mary Oliver?) If you have time, check out my new website: jeffersoncarterverse.com Tell me how you like it. Thanks! Yrs, JC

0 1 Reply
Naveed Akram

Naveed Akram

London, England
Close
Error Success