Saturday, June 10, 2017
Love Is Beauty Comments
Rating: ★0.0
I have to connect your sweetness to love and beauty,
Only my eyes swivel and see the love in front of me.
If never crying, you will be dying, shedding a tear
For the creator at the end of this short stay on this world.
...
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8/20/2025 4:09:37 AM # 1.0.0
Naveed, this is pretty good. The poem might be better if you told less (used fewer abstractions like happiness, and sadness) and showed more (used vivid images) . Also, the line breaks don't enhance the poem's expressiveness. Maybe immerse yourself in lots of good contemporary poetry in English (Mary Oliver?) If you have time, check out my new website: jeffersoncarterverse.com Tell me how you like it. Thanks! Yrs, JC