Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lost The Will To Live (C) 4-19-09 Comments

Rating: 3.5

Not another sad poem, I’m sick of writing sad poems
Poems of heartbreak and deceit
Poems in which I’m emotionally set on fire
And my under garments are drenched in gasoline
...
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COMMENTS
Erica Santana 30 April 2010

I wish I could sue fairy tales for fraud Because there’s never a happy ending These lines really spoke to me because it is exactly how I feel

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Danny H 31 July 2009

ONE OF MY FAVORITES. I’ve washed my skin from the paint that makes me a toy this is a transverse line for me, i loved this poem, and alot of the time i dont have the will to live either, but i keep on keepin on for my boyfriend

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Ramesh T A 03 May 2009

Free flowing poem makes one read all! Express your heart in poems and forget the worries soon! Nice!

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Douglas Palmer 27 April 2009

a truly deep poem i feel you pain bro theres someone out there for you it just seems you havent found them yet you will one day

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rago rago 26 April 2009

Really expression of innerthoughts. you have made a clear picture of presentation within the limits that you have made. Plese comeout and make the poem and turn it around as will to live.

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Leslie Neiwert 21 April 2009

^.^ The poem was great, I love the scheme and mechinism that you use to illerturate your poem. However, there are a few changes that could be made.1) You first need to consider all of the gramatical errors, and I'm not talking about the usual comma structure. I mean the words within the lines of stanzas; you make each of them flow quite nicely, but try to fix those inner words. Keep the tenses the same.2) Whenever somebody is speaking, always use quotation marks, no matter what. There's not a lot of New York accent in your poem, but there is a lot of emotion. Emotion is good, you make the reader want to read more of your poems. Although, too much emotion makes the reader turn away from you in disgust....so what you're doing, is right on track in this poem. Great job on it overall, and keep your head up. There's always other girls/women out there to take ahold and heal your heart.

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Zahir Kijani

Zahir Kijani

Buffalo, New york
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