Loss And Pain Poem by Angelique' Rockwell

Throughout our lives many people come and go.
Each for a reason but for some we will never know.
A lesson or a blessing is what I was always told
but what about the ones that come and go
before you even get to hold?
The ones you feel growing inside you
but are gone before you can see.
The ones you have to mourn alone
because no one can feel your pain-
not only the physical life is gone
but it's memory will always remain.
I've never questioned whether to keep or not,
I don't believe that it's my choice.
Who would I be take take the life of someone
who hasn't yet a voice?
Not that i don't agree that choosing is a right,
that in it's own has never been my fight.
I have had four beautiful babies
I wouldn't change for the world
and I feel each one was a gift,
but because I've also lost thirteen in my life
each has caused it's own little rift.
Although, I'd have kept them all if I could,
I'm thankful for those I was able keep.
But if I were to change anything in my past
it would be to actually see an hold those I had to bury.
To see into their eyes and tickle their little toe.
Playing the guessing games as who they'll look like as they grow....
Listening to their giggles, cries and coos.
For, only in my dreams and nightmares
do I see what I've had to lose.
They don't ever really leave, for their memories remain
as a forever reminder of the loss and pain.

01/29/2015