mari lovely

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Sunday, May 4, 2008

Loneliness The Edit Version Comments

Rating: ★4.0

what is loneliness?

loneliness is what you feel
when all love is gone,
...
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mari lovely

Loneliness numb

COMMENTS

Chris Mendros 06 May 2008

yes, excellent revision. Even more evocative than before.

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Pasha Satara 05 May 2008

I like your edited version. :) You changed the line breaks and it reads really well. Your feelings come through in an honest portrayal of loneliness. Nice work - keep writing, Mari!

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mari lovely

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