Thursday, May 29, 2014

Linguistic Lusciousness Comments

Rating: 2.5

I love linguistic lusciousness,
While lounging on my laptop here.
These words that flow and flush the forest floors:
Iambic tetrameters and pentameters,
...
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Paul Butters
COMMENTS
Paul Butters 30 May 2014

Thanks for the comprehensive critique there Tim. I agree this one is rather rich at first, like honey can be TOO sweet. If it looks like I went with the flow, well that's because that's what I did. Indeed that's what I DO. No apologies. It's a creative process.....

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Tim Kitchin 29 May 2014

Liked the used of alliteration, but felt that either it drowned the sense, or the sense drowned it. The 'flushing the forest floors' was a really nice image maybe worth pursuing further and fingers playfully dancing was a great end. Alterntatively, you could have stuck with the languorous, luxuriant 'l's and played with those in shorter poem? lips, lap, lead pencil. Euqlly those p alliterations suggest something quite different and more tippytappy...Nice poem indeed. Thanks for sharing!

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Paul Butters

Paul Butters

Leeds, West Yorkshire.
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