Limerick: No Duel Poem by Kim Barney

No Duel

Judge John Breckinridge, whose father, John C. Breckinridge, was vice president under James Buchanan, was challenged to a duel by a British officer in the late 1790's but declined with this letter:

Sir, I have two objections to this duel matter, the one is lest I should hurt you; the other lest you should hurt me. I do not see any good it would do me to put a bullet into any part of your body. I could make no use of you when dead for any culinary purpose, as I could a rabbit or turkey... for though your flesh might be delicate and tender, yet it wants that firmness and consistency which takes and retains salt.At any rate, it would not be fit for long sea voyages.You might make a good barbecue, it is true, being of the nature of a raccoon or an opossum, but people are not in the habit of barbecuing anything human now. As to your hide, it is not worth taking off; being little better than that of a two-year-old colt.As to myself, I do not much like to stand in the way of anything that is harmful. I am under the apprehension you might hit me.That being the case, I think it most advisable to stay at a distance. If you want to try your pistols, take some object -a tree or a barn door -about my dimensions, and if you hit that, send me word. I shall then acknowledge that if I had been in the same place you would have killed me in a duel. I have the honor to be, Sir, Your hmbl & obdt. Servant, John Breckinridge.

(Source: 500 Little-Known Facts in U.S. History by George W. Givens
Bonneville Books, © 2006
page 134)

03 September 2016