Dawn slowly slips into dusk
Sun into the deep waters plummet
Day light will pave way to dark
And this in endless succession shall repeat
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tran·sience ˈtranSHəns, -ZHəns, -zēəns/ noun noun: transience; plural noun: transiences; noun: transiency the state or fact of lasting only for a short time; transitory nature. the transience of life and happiness - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 'plummets'...........i think :) 'wither/bare/slither/tear'...............i love these rhymes! i don't know if i've ever heard scathe as a noun, not a verb. i recall hearing of someone getting through an accident unscathed. but, yes, scathe is a noun as well: an injury; a harm. [ i checked! ! ] i thought maybe scythe; after all, The Grime Reaper carries a scythe, i believe, though i've never seen the real reaper! ! ! not yet! OH! speak of the Devil! ! ! ! i had read no farther than: None can escape the scathe of time....... before i thought of scythe. maybe my unconscious noticed it in a line farther along in the stanza? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Those who live only for dime shall be put to shame............dime? are you SURE you didn't mean dinner? ? ? ======================= yes, compared to a Bristlecone pine, or even a Galapagos tortoise, or some of those Bible dudes, we 'normal' humans die young. but too many (in my opinion) live TOO LONG! i think the life span of a horse is long enough, and i'm WELL PAST THAT! ! yes, do no harm. easier said than done. think pollution! : ( bri ;)
Very well-rhymed, sweet and short poem on the transience of the world with an effective message at the end to live a sane life without harming anyone or anything. (10)
Dawn slowly slips into dusk- - - the skillful use of alliteration of both the d and the s gives this line a sumptuous and lovely glide. Incomparable! And this in endless succession shall repeat- - - - - - - - - a perfect way to say it- think about it- -could it ever be said more poetically? so resonantly? I can't imagine how. and look at the consonance in endless succession - -words and sounds so beautifully chosen then we have the message- - love your life doing no harm - - I have a feeling Valsa lives her life in accordance with this
Susan.... through your analysis, you have given an extra sheen to the poem! I am a fan of your critiques! Thank you so much!
What a wonderful message that the poem carries through its narrative. Thanks for sharing it, Valsa ji. I am tempted to quote a few lines from the poem: Day light will pave way to dark Trees once clad in green livery will be bare None can escape the scathe of time
Thank you so much Rajnish sir! Your uplifting and encouraging words are much appreciated!
And yet we waste it in a worthless chase And regret it all when the truth we face For wisdom only with age can we find For the young are only pleasure inclined
Loke... you are indeed gifted How well your thoughts are scripted Into fine verse, words are knitted Sure, among gifted poets, you're listed!
Foolishly we think life is to hoard And much wealth eventually is stored But it leads to nothing but discord, When life's values are totally ignored!
Time will always pass sometimes this is good, sometimes this is bad, but it is how we use our time wisely to be kind and to help our family and friends we will achieve the ultimate success a beautiful nature that will bloom eternally in the memories of the people we have loved! Outstanding write Valsa!
None can escape the scathe of time Every moment is a boon delivered. Every moment provides a golden opportunity to do good. Beautifully concluded in the poem.
Will wear and tear! ! Thanks for sharing this poem with us.
In always changing conditions of the life, that's the only thing in our hands, we can just be just to ourselves and to others and die with peace and satisfaction that we didn't do anything wrong. A great thought nicely penned.
It seems like a cruel joke, but the transience of time and its inevitable decaying effects are reason to celebrate the time we have and not lament its brevity
A profound write. Life's transience is so beautifully depicted. We humans are helpless players in the drama of life. Time n fate are the masters. Lovely imagery n expression...cut down by the scythe of time...none can escape the scathe of time...so true. Another great piece from your mighty pen. A10
This is very amazing that slowly dawn slips in to dusk and we witness this but do not become able to catch. Green scene cherishes mind and nobody becomes able to escape from the catch of time. We are bound to accept the change that time brings in life. This poem is very deeply philosophical. Interesting one this is and EXCELLENT...10
no harm to others, love only