Life On Meds Poem by Kim Schilling

A prayer and pills;
another start to the day.
Looking into the mirror,
several faces greet me –
Why, oh, why, must it be this way?
A ball of whispers grow,
my head becomes crowded.

“Why do you take so many pills? ”
A beautiful boy stands before me –
“To keep mommy from getting sick.”
He reads the bottles, pronouncing:
Lexapro, Provigil, Abilify, Topomax,
Lamictal, Xanax….”That’s a bunch! ”
The pit grows deeper in my stomach.

Two to bring me up from the dark abyss,
one to keep me from soaring to the clouds,
one to keep those voices from taking over,
one to stop the shaking from the anxiety,
and one to wake me up from taking all of this.
God, to live a life uncontrolled by drugs…

A day without meds brings on acute withdrawal,
blurred vision and nausea as I spiral downward,
with eyes leaking uncleansingly at a rapid pace.
And thank the Lord when my appointment comes,
for once again I think I need a flippin’ adjustment!
Yes, my affliction has mutated again to intolerable.

How I long to be walking with the unafflicted souls,
to feel the sun’s rays against my face and know –
it’s really goodness shining down upon my life.
Though a life on pills is a reminder of my battle,
insanity and lost motherhood are never options.